My Journal - Week 32 (01Apr10) Evening
I wish I had better news to report. Unfortunately it is a BFN (Big Fat Negative). And No, I can't say it's an April Fools Day joke. I wish it were. I suppose I could hang on to some optimism, and think to myself, it is still too early to test. When we were pregnant with Hunter, my first blood test actually came back negative, and it was after we had conceived at the time the blood test had been taken. So from personal experience, it is possible. I am not holding my breath, but I always say, I am an optimist.
I have to say, this is a really stressful experience. I am not used to not being able to get what I want. I do have to remember that this is out of my control. It is something I can not change. But knowing that certainly doesn't make it any easier. I know that in order to move forward, we will have to continue with the testing to verify the tubal blockage. Once that is done, the doctor will discuss our options for In-vitro etc. I will continue to do my personal investigations on other possible treatments. I just wish that despite all of this, I was able to give Hunter a sibling close in age. I feel as though I am letting him down.
Also, I hope that my pituitary tumour has not grown any larger which can cause other health problems besides infertility. I have been scheduled by my new Endocrinologist for a follow-up MRI as soon as possible. At least this new doctor I am seeing has been really nice and helpful with respect to educating me further about this adenoma. My last endocrinologist was literally 87 years old, and needed to retire. He was so forgetful and I think this was the reason no follow-up(s) were done with me regarding this tumour. While originally he was a good doctor, I think he should have retired a long time ago - at least 15 years ago.... My life is not arbitrary, and should not have been forgotten about just because he was unwilling to retire due to feelings of age and dignity.
I will keep everyone posted as we learn more.