Welcome to Our House - The Analogy ©

Having a baby is special. For some, it’s a lifelong dream, for others, a wonderful surprise. Either way, many of us have thought about taking this journey and whether it’s planned or a pleasant surprise, we all have preconceived ideas about what our child will look and be like. But what if it isn’t what we planned or expected? This is a short story I have written for parents who have or are expecting an exceptionally special child.

Welcome to our House – An analogy

After many months of dreaming, you finally decide it’s time. You are going to build that perfect house of your dreams. You have saved and saved, and now it’s time to put your plan into action. You find a wonderful, perfect piece of land in the city. It’s exactly what you are looking for – because it’s the plan that everyone talks about. You envision the all brick house sitting on luscious green grass, surrounded by a white picket fence. Inside is a marble foyer leading into a family room with beautiful oak hardwood floors. Granite lines the kitchen counter tops and there is an island sink in the middle. Upstairs has four perfect bedrooms and the master bedroom has an ensuite bathroom and an enormous walk-in closet, of course. It’s truly a dream come true, and it’s only a matter of time. You purchase the land and think to yourself, in nine short months, you will have it all.

But suddenly your agent calls to tell you, the land is not properly zoned, and the city has not approved it for building your perfect home. They have instead, given you land in the country, where an old country home sits. You are absolutely devastated, your dreams vanishing right before your eyes. You know you can’t back out now, you need a place to live, and despite it not being what you wanted, you know that somehow you will manage and that you can continue on.

You tell everyone what has happened, and everyone is disappointed, some even offering their condolences. You know that everyone else has a nice city home, and that was what you had planned, but you have to come to terms with the fact that you must learn to live in the country.

You go to see the property every month until closing and something funny happens. You start to fall in love with the place. The air is fresh, it’s peaceful and serene. There’s a pond on the land, and the house, though not a new all brick home, is quaint, and has lots of hidden potential. You soon realize it’s not a awful place, it’s just a different place. It’s slower paced than the city, less noisy and flamboyant, but it’s beautiful none the less. And in the process, you soon realize you may even get to meet some new and wonderful neighbours.

Its closing day and you suddenly find yourself full of anticipation, but you are still a little worried. After all, it isn’t what you had originally hoped for, and the house may need some repairs. But you are determined to accept it, and tackle everything one step at a time. You open the front door, and suddenly you are thrilled with what you see. The house is lovely, and has lots of character. The rooms are smaller but it’s decorated with beautiful attention and detail. The kitchen has marble instead of granite, and the bathroom has a soaker tub instead of a Jacuzzi. There isn’t a walk-in closet in sight, but the rooms all come with an indescribable view. Somehow, you just know that it was always meant to be and that this is now home.

This is my analogy of what it will be like for people who discover that they will be caring for a baby with Down syndrome. For us, it is not a terrible place to be, it is a journey full of surprises, milestones and discovery like any other child. And as the story suggests, sometimes it’s only a matter of ‘point of view’, and surprisingly, once you have been there, you don’t want to be anywhere else. The journey, like all others doesn’t come without some bumps in the road, but once you find your way, it’s all about the place you discovered, in most cases - quite by random chance
Author: Sandi Graham-McWade, Copyright

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Friday, March 26, 2010

My Journal - Week 31 (26Mar10)

It it just Murphy's Law or is it just fate??

This particular journal entry really has more to do with me personally than Hunter, but I feel that it is important to note it for the book.

Recently we have been seeing a fertility doctor to assist us getting pregnant (again), and we did some standard tests.  One of the tests was called a HSG (hysterosalpingogram) which is an ultrasound and dye procedure to check for blockages in the uterus, ovaries and tubes.  When I was getting it done the tech and doctor doing the test had said everything looked good.  When I went this past Tuesday for my results with the fertility doctor, he tells me my tubes are blocked!  Really?  Are you kidding me?  I asked how this could have happened since being pregnant with Hunter, and he tells me I could have gotten an infection from the C-section.  Who knows.  Anyway, he tells me that 50% of the time the test result is wrong, and asked me if I want to have the more specific hospital test (Laparoscopy) that he usually does after getting a result like this, or if I want the same HSG ultrasound done again in case they made a mistake.  (He suggested I do the HSG again since he only does the hospital test once a month, and he just did them the day before on Monday.  I agreed because I don't want to delay conception any longer than I have to or it has already been.  This is our 4th cycle trying without success.  I stopped breastfeeding Hunter so that I could re-start taking my medication for my Pituitary tumour which was the reason I could not conceive initially (that's how we had to get pregnant with Hunter as well) and I was hoping that was the only reason I wasn't getting pregnant for the last 3 months.  Now, who knows.  Maybe it was that or it could be a blockage if my tubes truly are blocked.  The fertility doctor then tells me if the are indeed blocked, our only course of action is IVF (In vitro fertilization).  In the United States they do tube opening surgeries - I saw this on the Internet.  I don't know if they do not perform them here or if my fertility doctor is just trying to make more money from me....  This news was devastating to me.  I researched IVF and aside from the exorbitant cost, it's effectiveness is very low - I don't know if that information was true or not, but I am completely discouraged.  I always planned on having more than one child - being an only child myself, I swore I would never do that to my own child.  It was a very lonely childhood aside from friends and cousins.  Maybe I am worrying for nothing, but in my life things have always been "if it can happen to me, it will"  and that literally is and has been the story of my life.  I hope that this time "Murphy" wont be the law, and somehow in the wonderful world of hope the results will be positive.  Perhaps as we speak I am already pregnant and my worry and fears will be all for not.  I don't want to get my hopes up high only to be disappointed, but at the same time I need to be an optimist.  That is my true nature.  I will always be forever grateful that we have Hunter should I never be able to have any more children, but it is sad none the less to be told that you are no longer capable of creating new life.  I certainly believe in fate, and destiny and so I hope that my path is not going to be negative.  I just thought it would be prudent to add this to my journal as this definitely is part of our journey and I believe it truly concerns Hunter since it is for him also that we want him to have a sibling.
I will keep everyone updated as we learn more. 


  1. I'm so sorry to hear this! I will keep my fingers crossed that the test was wrong and that you are pregnant now or will be soon!

  2. Thanks so much "Sweet Pea's Mommy"!
    We hope so too. Thanks for putting out the comment, it was so nice to see and was definitely helpful in this trying time.


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