My Journal - Week 42 (08Jun10)

The path to healing....

After an extremely long, exhausting, and emotional  day (and night), I am finally home.  I had my appointment with the hospital yesterday (Monday) at 11:00 am and was eventually scheduled for surgery at 10:00 pm at night.  Because of being in the Emergency Department I had to endure a lengthy wait to speak with the on call doctor and I had no choice but to wait. 

I had my moments of clarity and then moments of extreme sadness.  It was certainly one of the more tougher days I have ever had to deal with on a personal level.  In all the time that I was there, waiting to have the surgery, I missed my son so terribly who was at home with Grandma and in great capable hands.  I had never been away from Hunter for 12 hours at a time, and I felt as though I were abandoning him.  I know he didn't feel that way, as he is such a happy-go-lucky boy and enjoyed his time all day with Grandma.  I am sure I suffered more not being with him then he did of me!

John and his Mom (my other mom) stayed with me the entire time.  I had a great support system and in those moments of sadness, they were there - whether to bring me a box of Kleenex or just to have a shoulder to cry on.  Luckily, a few of the staff in the ER had remembered me from previous work occasions (being a Police Officer I had brought many people to their ER, and also from having been a patient there myself over the years some had remembered my happy bubbly personality) which was a nice additional comfort.

In all I am now home and I can finally get on with life as well as begin this mental and physical healing process.  I want to thank everyone for their kind words of support and care.  Without those, I am sure it would be a much more difficult healing process.  I also know to thank my lucky stars that I have my son who remains the light of our lives and has a never ending supply of unconditional love.